Pain

I don't why I named this pain. I know I'm feeling some shit right not but I don't think pain is the closest thing to describe it with.
If anything I feel sad, emotions upon emotions are cruising through me.
Wow. You should already know why I'm sad.
What else can make a human feel one thousand emotions at the same time?
Yup. You guessed it. Love.
I'm feeling so much at once.
Is it really love though?
I don't know what to call it.
We need more words to express emotions.  I think the words we have aren't precise enough.
So.. love. I might be in love. For the umpteenth time.
I fall in love every other day. This is kinda different. I fucked up. I let someone down. I let my stupid self get In the way of my happiness. So I'm in some psychotic sad-pain mixture.
I am..... I am.. more confused than anything.
I don't know anything about  dealing with people. I don't know anything about love.
I was thought chem/phy/bio in high school but none of that prepared me for the task of loving a woman.
At home and at church I was thought that it was wrong for me to love a woman. That was pretty much all about that. Fast foward to uni, I'm having GEG/FSC/QTS classes back to back but none of that is teaching me how to treat the woman I have feelings for.
But she was already in my life. Struggling to love me back because I'm just an awkward piece of shit.
Why? Why aren't we teaching ourselves how to love. Maybe the world would be a better place if we had Love 101 classes. I'm certain I'm not the only one with these issues.
So the pain, sadness. I feel it. Feel it so much that I had to cry to condense some of the steam I had in my system.
Pain. Pain. Pain. Pain.
How is a person doing this to me.
I fucked up. I almost want to hurt myself, just because I hurt you. Just because I made you rethink why you were fucking with me.
Damn. I fucking miss you.
How. How.
I need to stop.
I need to cry.
I need to smoke.
I might drink a little.
I just need to get rid of the pain eating me up.