Exodus

For as long as I can remember, I have been attracted to women. Even though I was sexually abused at a point in my life by a man, that experience did not influence my sexual preference in any way.
I noticed I loved looking at women. I always imagined whatever partner I had in future would be a woman like me. Even though I had a very short rendezvous with an older female relation, I don't regard it as my first physical experience with a woman.
I titled this post exodus because the story I want to tell is the earliest lesbian experience I can remember that I'm not collectively ashamed and disgusted by.

I can't even remember her name but I remember she was my neighbour. She came from a big family with all female children. She was older than me but we always spoke a lot.
As naive as I was about love at the time, I was aware of my attraction to women. I was also aware that we had other intentions for ourselves other than having regular gist everyday.
If you're reading this you probably played ' daddy and mummy ' when you were younger or heard about it.
Well, we reinvented the game and made our own, ' mummy and mummy '.
Being kids, we didn't do much. We just got in bed and cuddled each other.
I know it doesn't sound like much, but at the time it felt like all I ever wanted.
So here I was in bed, holding a woman and her mother walks in.
I was confused because she didn't scream or shout or flog us like I thought she would. She just called us out of the room. In the parlour, she spoke to me calmly about how her daughter and I shouldn't play like that and then she let me go home. She could have told my parents or made a bigger deal out of the whole situation but she didn't.
Even though I should have been somewhat happy because the experience could have gone either way, my confusion refused to give way and I decided to avoid them at all cost and never speak about the experience again.
Why did I decide to share this?
Because 10 years after, I'm still confused. Why is it so wrong?
Why can't I love a woman?